Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Dietician


For the first time ever, I saw a dietician. She had recently graduated from school, and she was young, pretty, and skinny. She had sort of a lazy eye or something going on.
I told her that I had an ED and that I wanted more structure to my eating habits. She said that that sounded good and we wrote out a meal plan that I was excited about. I asked about calories just so I would know that I wasn’t going to gain weight on the plan, and she balked.
“I don’t think I should give this to you because I think you’ll become too obsessed with calories.”
“No, I only asked because I wanted to know I wasn’t going to get fat on this!”
“I think it would be wise for me to just give you some general guidelines.”
I was miffed, but I didn’t argue.
Her main advice was that I needed to stop eating so many sugary foods. I mean, duh. But for some reason her saying that out loud to me helped me stop eating them. I guess I’d been giving myself license to binge on desserts more because I’m in the stage where I know that eating some desserts won’t make me fat. The problem is I eat too many of them.
The other thing she told me was to get three different food groups in at each meal, and to have protein at every single meal. I’m supposed to get a fruit in at lunch and several vegetables in at dinner, but I’ll have to vary it because the school meal plan I’m on doesn’t allow for me to get much fresh food. Eating different food groups at each meal will allow me to get much-needed nutrients and the protein will help keep me full. The idea is that the more variety I eat and the fuller I keep myself, the less inclined I’ll be to have cravings for sugar.
It’s a solid theory, and so far it’s been working. Today at dinner I had no desire to eat desserts. I’ve only been following her plan for three days, though. We’ll see where I am in a week.

Challenge yourself to eat three different food groups at each meal! See if it helps stave off cravings. 

Monday, October 14, 2013

Goals of the Week 60



My non b/p goal of last week was to exercise every single day. I exercised 0 days out of 7, mostly because I took naps instead. The things I will give up in order to spend time with someone I like... Today I'm going to exercise though! My goal for this week is to exercise for 4 days, which I have marked on my calendar. I should make a goal of sleep time, but frankly I'd rather spend time with the guy than get shut eye. 
My other goal will be to tell the first guy that I just want to be friends. I have trouble doing that because I don't like hurting people's feelings, but I know his will be more hurt if I continue to lead him on. I plan to do that tomorrow after breakfast.
My b/p goal will be to eat three different food groups each day at each meal. This was recommended to me by my dietician (the first time I've ever seen one!) and I will go into more detail about her in my next post. So far today I've had protein, milk, and starch. Lunch will be fruit, dairy, and protein. 

What are your goals?

Friday, October 11, 2013

I am About to Become a Horrible Person

Advance warning: 
This post is all about boys again, so you can skip it if you're not interested in ridiculous drama. 

I broke up with my bf of 2 years a month and a half ago. 
Since then, his best friend has been asking me to hang out. Not in the ask me out way, just in a friend way. He even decided to try dancing! "This is great," I thought. "I'm going to make some new friends and it's nice to finally get to know this guy now."

The problem: My ex's best friend is extremely attractive. Not just physically, but personality-wise too. 
And new evidence has arisen that he might be interested in me. 

I thought it was strange enough that he would suddenly have an interest in dancing, but he's been inviting me over every day this week to watch movies. The first time we were with his roommate, so there was no tension. Yesterday he invited me over and we watched two episodes of Breaking Bad. Just the two of us, alone, after midnight. He let me use his legs as footwarmers, and we shared a blanket. After we finished watching the movies, I was going to leave but he said I could stay if I wanted. We "chilled" in his room, both of us on his bed, again under the blanket. I've done this before with guy friends and it didn't mean anything, but last time I was in this one's room he didn't sit next to me, and that along with the fact that he tends to invite girls he likes over for movies makes me wonder.

After I finally left at 2:30 in the morning, he sent me a text saying I should feel free to text him if I ever wanted to watch Breaking Bad again. 

Am I delusional? This guy is very attractive; I have no idea why he would like me. 
But assuming me does...

Would I be a horrible person to go for it? I really like him. 
But then again, he is my ex's BEST friend. Making a move on your ex's best friend or for that matter your ex's girlfriend is just wrong. Especially when you know your ex isn't doing well and has almost no supports. 
You can give me whatever advice you like, but I already know I'm not going to take any of it. The fact is that I didn't sleep at all yesterday because I have butterflies in my stomach, and this guy didn't even kiss me!
I want something to happen. I know it's a bad idea, but I'm going to do it anyway. 
I'm about to become a horrible person. 
And I can't wait. 

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Sleepy


Yesterday I barely slept a wink. My suitemates were up at freaking 3 in the morning going to the bathroom and slamming their doors. I wanted to get up and yell at them, but I wasn’t wearing pants.
So now I’m awake for my class and I feel like a dead slug.
My point with this post is that sleep is important in the journey to recovery. When I’m tired it’s so easy to not pay attention to what I’m eating, which leads to behaviors. Or I purposefully overeat on sugary foods so that I can stay awake. Plus being tired puts me in a grouchy mood, which opens the door to even more triggers than usual.
Ways to get more sleep?
1.    make time for it. I always go to bed at a certain time so that I will get 8 hours of sleep. Unfortunately, my plans don’t always work out, as evidenced by yesterday.
2.    Put your headphones in and turn up the static noise. If you’re like me and a really light sleeper, static might help cut out some of the noise that will wake you up. I didn’t do this yesterday, but I will in the future
3.    Be comfy. Turn up the heat, get another blanket, take off your socks, whatever. You can’t get to sleep if you’re uncomfortable
Anyone else having sleep issues? What are you having trouble with, and what helps?

Monday, October 7, 2013

Goals of the Week 59


I didn't really have any clear goals last week, so I didn't complete any of them. I did get all my homework done, but I took naps, I certainly didn't lose weight, and I didn't exercise every day. 
This week my actual goal will be to exercise every single day. I can have 3 slow days and 4 fast days, alternating. Exercise will make me feel like I'm doing something with my days even if I'm not. 
My b/p goal this week is to eat less than 1600 calories for 3 days. I don't know if I can do it, but I'll try like all hell. 

As a side note, the semi-date went pretty well. He had a good time and I wasn't awkward, although I did get bored when conversation turned to football. If I actually dated this kid I don't know how I'd keep up the charade of caring about football. But I've done it before... 

Friday, October 4, 2013

The Dating Game

Tomorrow I am going on a semi-date with someone I kind of like. I say semi-date because he didn't specifically say it was a date, and so far we are just friends. However, he knows I kind of like him, and we don't know each other that well so why else would he ask unless he wanted it to be a date?
Anyway, I am freaking out.
We don't know each other that well. What if it's awkward?
If it doesn't go well, how do I tell him or deal with it?
What if he's just interested because he knows I kind of like him?
What do I talk to him about?? 

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

The Laws of Attraction


Not having a boyfriend means going out into the world with my prettiest face forward and trying to find someone else to love.
The problem: I thought my ex was the sexiest man on the planet. It was great when we were together, because I had the BMOC in my hand, and I proudly showed him off to everyone we met.
Now, I have pimples all over my face and I’ve gained 10 pounds. I wasn’t that pretty before, and now I'm a definite uglybutt.
I know that I will never attract a man of my ex’s caliber ever again. No one that sexy, that popular, will ever find me attractive. I accepted that as soon as I started to date him. And I held on to him tightly.
But now I can’t date someone worse than him. No one can ever date downwards and have it last. The way to get over someone is to find someone better, not just anybody.
There are two guys that like me right now. Both of them are very nice. Both have bright futures, and both are older than me. One of them is even blonde with blue eyes! But neither of them lives up to my ex.
I’d be lucky to snag either one, what with my attractiveness level. But I just can’t be attracted to them when I’ve had better.
You can try and tell me I’m an awful person for not giving them chances, but would you ever date someone if you thought your ex was better than them? You can’t control attraction, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. It might just mean you’re in for disappointment. Or that you'll be alone for a looooooong time.