Hello

Hello. My name is Emily and I have been bulimic for about two years. My goal in starting this blog is that it will help me recover and it could help someone else through their own journey. So far I have gone only about 5 days without binging or purging, which feels longer than it actually is.

My history with eating disorders has been a long one. In eighth grade I went from 120 pounds to 100 pounds by eating less than 500 calories a day. That lasted only a month, however, because my body couldn’t handle the starvation and I gave in to eating.

I gained 30 pounds and during ninth grade I depressed. When I met my first boyfriend I got a lot happier and immediately lost five pounds just because I felt better about my life. However, I still hated my body and weighed myself constantly.

The summer before 12^th grade (my first boyfriend was long gone at this point) I decided that there was no excuse for me to be “fat” anymore. I was tired of people thinking that I was ugly or feeling like the out of shape one in gym class. I made  myself bike, run, and walk anywhere from 1-3 hours a day, also limiting my food intake to about 1200 calories a day. Needless to say, I lost weight, and I entered senior year 115 pounds, feeling great about my body.

I kept this kind of relentless exercising up for a while, but when Thanksgiving came around and I stuffed myself at the feast I knew I couldn’t possibly burn everything off so I tried vomiting it up. It worked too well, and it seemed like the greatest way to get what I wanted. I could eat all day and not feel full!

Now it’s the end of my freshman year of college and I’ve come to fully understand how bulimia is destroying me. I asked to see a counselor a month ago and have been talking with her ever since.

I still binge and purge though.

So I plan to blog until I feel like I’m free of this illness.

My hope is that other people with this illness will read and we’ll be able to support each other, but we’ll see what happens.