Easy. Because I binge. And the binge makes me feel overly full, which makes me anxious, because being overly full means that I’m going to gain weight. If I purge it takes away the anxiousness. It’s more like an OCD type thing than a weight control thing, although weight control is supposed to be the outcome. When I binge I feel an incredibly strong urge to purge right afterwards. If I don’t the anxiety builds and builds and takes me on a conveyor belt to the bathroom.
This is where being a psych major comes in handy. The way OCD compulsions are treated is through flooding. The therapist throws the patient right into the situation they dread and makes them sit out the anxiety. Of course, this is usually done in steps, but in my situation steps won’t really help.
Since I’m bulimic and I inevitably binge at times, I’m thrust into the anxious situation. Recently, I’ve been waiting it out, keeping myself around people I love right after I eat. Even though I know after I binge that I probably gained some weight, the anxiety goes away after about a half hour to an hour. This actually helps with binging too, because I don’t feel as hungry anymore, which means I’m less likely to binge.
So far I’ve been binge-purge free for 4 days.
I was free for about 2 weeks before that, but then I went out to eat with a friend and my self-control went to hell.
Things are looking up though!