The Point of Therapy

Something that came to mind recently was the fact that even though I’ve been going to therapy every week, my binging and purging wasn’t incredibly affected. Yes, it decreased for a while, but once I got used to the fact that someone knew about my illness, it didn’t serve as enough motivation for me to stop. I’d tried everything. Therapy was my last resort, and I only called the counseling office when I felt like the despair might just eat me alive.

Going into therapy I made myself believe that it could offer me some magic cure. Like I would see the counselor and she would know exactly what to do, and do it quickly enough that I would never have to let anyone know I’d even struggled with a problem.

Obviously, that was not the case, and I doubt it’s the case in any treatment method. Basically what I’ve learned through therapy is that I have to do the work myself. That was kind of a disappointment when I realized it, because I’m tired of dealing with this eating disorder and it’s a nice idea that someone else could take care of it for me.

So what was the point of going to therapy for the last two and a half months if it didn’t resolve my symptoms?

I think one thing therapy did do is it gave me someone to talk to about my illness. That was immensely relieving, and for a few days it gave me a feeling of accountability- now I have to tell someone when I throw up, so I’d better not.

The problem was that after a week I started getting a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that made it almost impossible to resist binging. Since I binged, I purged, and the cycle started once again.

I guess the only other thing therapy helped with was getting me to tell other people. I can’t say exactly how, but maybe it was a feeling that since after I told a therapist she still didn’t hate me for it, other people would not hate me either. Because of this, I told some of my closest friends and eventually my parents, who responded with support. Their support is currently what’s keeping me from having to binge multiple times a week. The therapy is almost useless now.

Who knows if my experience is shared. I’m not in an eating disorder specific treatment program yet, so once I sign up for one of those I’m sure I’ll find it more helpful.

But I guess the point of this post is just to say that therapy isn’t helpful in the ways you might think. But it’s still helpful.