This has been my worst week for a long time. I’ve binged and
purged nearly every day this week, and usually multiple times a day. For me,
this is a lot, since I can usually contain my urges for several days out of a
week. I feel powerless to the urges of the disease. I don’t want to eat that
tortilla slathered in peanut butter and chocolate, but I feel like I have to. No
matter how much I try to reason with myself, the disease always wins out in the
end, and it usually stuffs my face before I even get a chance to talk myself
out of it.
I’m not sure what the worst week in my illness was. Maybe
when I went on vacation and we only got prepared, calorific food that I felt I
had to splurge on. It could have been the week during school where I bought a
jar of peanut butter and nutella and three pasta meals and ate them all within
two days. (I continued in this manner the rest of the week)
One thing I do know is that while I have not been binging on
whole jars of peanut butter, this is the most days in a row I have binged and
purged.
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