I’m sorry. I’ve put you through a lot, even though it’s been
under the guise of taking as good care of you as I can. I’m sorry for
scratching your throat with my long fingernails. I’m sorry for throwing up so
much that acid eroded your esophagus and teeth. I’m sorry that I refused to
give you food when you were starving. I’m sorry I made you eat your own fat and
muscle tissue in order to stay alive. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how much I
love you. I’m sorry I kept saying that I hate you, over and over again.
I promise from now on to take good care of you. I will
exercise within my limits, to give you a nice healthy inner cleaning, but I
will not run until my tendons creak and my breath barely comes into my lungs. I
will eat good foods, sticking to my meal plan to ensure that you get enough of
the nutrients you deserve. (of course, I will eat more vegetables than the meal
plan allows right now, but I’ll wait to add that) I will eat foods that satisfy
my desires, like cake and cookies, but only in small portions, so that I don’t
crave or binge. I will relax when I need to and I will listen to you. I will
not punish you for things you cannot control, like when you gain weight, or
when you get hungry. I promise.
You know, the only reason I messed up is because I want you
to be your best. I know how important you are to me, and I never intended to do
permanent damage. My mistake was that I didn’t love you for who you are. I only
loved you for what you could be, and when I found out that you couldn’t live up
to my expectations, I abused you unfairly.
It’s ok. I love you now. And I will try my best to love you
forever. No matter if you make mistakes, or do something I don’t like, I will
treat you well, and we can resolve our problems with each other in gentle ways.
I hope you can forgive me.
Love,
Emily
I know this is an old post and I am not sure if you will see this but I really loved this post. I have been thinking over how I treat my body and how maybe if I take care of myself instead of being cruel I will feel better and maybe see different results.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to tell you how much you gave me to take from this post. What you're telling and teaching your readers, you're giving them a gift. This makes me think, really realize, look and not deny or sugar-coat what I'm doing to myself. Thank you. Just, thank you.
ReplyDeleteThe best of luck and positivity in living your life the way you deserve =) <3