I made it a few days into vacation before breaking my goal. It was impressive, since my boyfriend's house is littered in double stuff oreos and hostess donuts and sodas and all sorts of crap.
My new binge/purge goal is to not binge/purge in any consecutive meals for the remainder of the week.
My non binge-purge goal is to have a good attitude throughout the rest of vacation. I can probably do that for one day, but I've been sour the past couple.
As for challenging m beliefs, that didn't happen much this week. Except that my boyfriend still loves me, even though I've gained some weight.
I feel fat. I look fat. I feel like I have no control over what I'm eating. I'm forced to participate in meals at restaurants lunch and dinner every single day through tomorrow. When I'm home I have to eat what my parents make for dinner. I wish I could be free of triggers in my environment. That's the reason things got better when I went to college last time. Because FINALLY, I could control what I was tempted by, and when I was tempted, there was always the knowledge that next time that temptation would be gone and I would have time to recoup before the next one.
Peanut butter, desserts, starches, fatty cheese, chocolate, butter...
These are the gods of my parents. I feel surrounded by them.
Hey, honey. Thanks for your words on my last post. You really did shift my perspective on the whole thing.
ReplyDeleteEven though things are rocky, I am realizing that perhaps I'm creating problems where there are none. I do try to make him feel good about himself, make him feel that he's invaluable to me. But I'm not always successful.
I guess that Ne-Yo song pretty much sums up my feeling: "Something oh so sexy about the kind of woman that want you but don't need you."
Haha, I can't believe I actually referenced that to further my point.
Moving on to you though! I really, really hope that you won't end up purging this week (as a result of not bingeing). I believe in you, and I hope your report back soon :)