Today I binged. I've eaten at least 3000 calories by this point, but I'm not letting myself purge. I have to fight through it. I have to know that I have the rest of my life to lose weight. I don't need to rid myself of the calories immediately.
I've been feeling lately like my therapist is annoyed with me; like she thinks I'm stupid or lazy or just some whiny girl who doesn't want to lift a finger to save herself. I felt this way with my other therapist too, so I'm wondering if it's just me. Or maybe I'm just not a nice person and so my therapists don't feel a connection with me.
Yesterday I told my therapist that I don't want to go on meds and she basically implied that I was stupid for allowing myself to suffer when I didn't have to.
I just don't want to go on meds. And now I feel pressured to try them in order to get her to like me more. I'm not going to go on them either way, but it would be nice to know where I stand with them.
One technique that I wanted to share with everyone is that every time you think a negative thought, counter it with two positive thoughts. This can be used when people say things like "you look so fat" when they don't mean it, or when they say something that wasn't intended to be hurtful but is at face value. I haven't gotten a chance to use it yet- or maybe I'm trying to ignore my chances to use it, but it might help.