Thursday, March 21, 2013

School and Bulimia

School is about a third of my life. Bulimia is another third. So of course they would affect each other, I just never really thought about it. 
Bulimia never affected my grades.
What bulimia did affect was how I felt about my schoolwork. When I'm on a low from a binge-purge cycle, I tend to get very depressed about the quality of my work. And if I'm on a high from a binge without the option to purge, I get very distressed about my work. 
There were a few times this and last year in college when I skipped a class because a b/p cycle left me so depleted of energy. I've hated classes because they leave me no time to purge or walking to them leaves an ache in my throat because of all the throwing up I do. 
It's so unnecessary. I like school. I'm thankful that my grades continue to be what they need to be, but the whole experience could be so much better if I let it.

On the flip side, how did school affect my bulimia? 
School is a huge stressor. Tests and projects and homework and getting to class on time, ugh. Right now I have a project and a test coming up for the two hardest subjects I'm taking this year. And they happen at the same time. 
I have literally binged because of math problems. 
I often make goals that relate to food and interpersonal problems and leave out issues with school, but I think that needs to change. School stress can cause a lot of things, and it's so easy to fix, so why not fix it? Taking the time to get a tutor, or put "homework" on the calendar, or make a goal to study a certain amount for a test could go a long way to reducing stress. 

How does school affect your ED and vice versa? 


  1. School and anorexia. That's the name of my game. By nature I'm very chill, I love spontaneity and being free. This doesn't vibe well with academia. I also am perfectionistic courtesy of my mom so it's like I have dual sides of my personality. As an anorexic I am miss success. Miss driven. I schedule and plan and treat life as though I'm viewing it from the outside. Calculated. I don't need emotional support. I don't need anything but my goals and food is contingent on my success. Recovered, I don't need the world's idea of success. I need to be fulfilled as a person and give and love and I have to FEEL. God forbid if I have feelings.
    Who I really am was not who everyone thought I would be and that scares me.

  2. I think it's great that you've been able to identify school as a source of stress. Maybe focusing on school will in turn help the b/p. Your awareness is a very good thing, a lot of people wouldn't think of what's causing what.

    I left school five years ago, so it's never effected my ED really. I used to purge in early high school, as a way of relieving stress, though I never binged. School bullying has had a huge impact on my mental health though. xx

  3. I wish I could say that I go to school
    I never went to college and I can't imagine myself ever going
    Maybe someday x


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