Thank you for all the birthday wishes. It's still my birthday, since I posted this at around 1 AM before I went to bed.
So far I have had bacon, a piece of pizza, and two bowls of ice-cream to eat. Hopefully I won't have anything else because I feel about to burst.
This month has been horrible. I've been binging and purging for the last few days. I'd like to not purge on my birthday, but we'll see how it goes. Every day from the time I wake to when I go to sleep my stomach aches because it's so full. I can't stop eating.
My mother sent me a four layer birthday cake. AND "party supplies" which included nuts, junior mints, salsa, and chips. So much food! I don't want it.
And people keep handing out stuff to me because it's finals week. And my boyfriend wants to go to restaurants because he's hungry. I just want this month to be over. It's almost there, and I can make it. It just won't be pleasant.
I like birthdays because of the parties and presents. And I guess the cake. But why did my mother have to send me a four-layer birthday cake? I shared it with people and still ate probably a third of it.
How can I study when I'm in a binge fog? I have so much energy inside of me that I'm trembling but I can't run because my stomach is too full and I don't feel well. I can't sing because my throat is sore from throwing up. I can't focus. I feel trapped in my body right now.
It will be over. It will definitely be over. And I'm glad to be turning a year older.
Also, random story from yesterday:
Yesterday evening I went to a swing dance with two of my friends. I got all dressed up in a fancy pink dress with no straps, and I practiced in my room beforehand to make sure that the dress wouldn't fall off while dancing.
WELL. I was dancing with my very close friend, who is a guy, and every time he spun me the dress turned a little more on my body. And I think eventually my boob might have been exposed, or at least nearly exposed. I was so embarrassed that I had to leave the dance floor and sit around for a while. For the rest of the night I wore a coat whenever I danced. I guess I'm glad it was a close friend that saw and not someone random, but still... it was awkward.