Saturday, April 27, 2013

Happy Birthday To Me

Thank you for all the birthday wishes. It's still my birthday, since I posted this at around 1 AM before I went to bed. 
So far I have had bacon, a piece of pizza, and two bowls of ice-cream to eat. Hopefully I won't have anything else because I feel about to burst. 
This month has been horrible. I've been binging and purging for the last few days. I'd like to not purge on my birthday, but we'll see how it goes. Every day from the time I wake to when I go to sleep my stomach aches because it's so full. I can't stop eating. 
My mother sent me a four layer birthday cake. AND "party supplies" which included nuts, junior mints, salsa, and chips. So much food! I don't want it. 
And people keep handing out stuff to me because it's finals week. And my boyfriend wants to go to restaurants because he's hungry. I just want this month to be over. It's almost there, and I can make it. It just won't be pleasant. 
I like birthdays because of the parties and presents. And I guess the cake. But why did my mother have to send me a four-layer birthday cake? I shared it with people and still ate probably a third of it. 
How can I study when I'm in a binge fog? I have so much energy inside of me that I'm trembling but I can't run because my stomach is too full and I don't feel well. I can't sing because my throat is sore from throwing up. I can't focus. I feel trapped in my body right now.
It will be over. It will definitely be over. And I'm glad to be turning a year older. 

Also, random story from yesterday:
Yesterday evening I went to a swing dance with two of my friends. I got all dressed up in a fancy pink dress with no straps, and I practiced in my room beforehand to make sure that the dress wouldn't fall off while dancing. 
WELL. I was dancing with my very close friend, who is a guy, and every time he spun me the dress turned a little more on my body. And I think eventually my boob might have been exposed, or at least nearly exposed. I was so embarrassed that I had to leave the dance floor and sit around for a while. For the rest of the night I wore a coat whenever I danced. I guess I'm glad it was a close friend that saw and not someone random, but still... it was awkward. 


  1. Happy birthday darling! I hope you still had a great day regardless. Yay for you, birthday girl!

  2. Happy birthday <3 hope you had fun ( at least after the dress was off ^^ )

  3. happy birthday, sweetheart.
    i had a feeling you were an either April or May baby! :) i never thought it would be an odd number though ;P
    :( that sounds like a horrendous way to start, but im hoping you feel better right now because you deserve it, sweetie!
    you're a strong, Emily!
    -Sam Lupin

  4. Happy birthday sweetie! I know there was a lot of food but you have a lot of people that love you if they all want to feed you :P I hope it was great and good luck with your finals girl!

  5. Happy birthday! I hope you can enjoy it, and I'm sorry about the dance. Xx

  6. Happy birthday! Don't worry about all the food around eventually it will be all gone and then it will be easier. When faced with stuff like that I try to figure out what foods are "worth it". Like if it is just a candy bar well I can have that whenever I want, where as a homemade cake might be worth it. Ofcourse this is when I am able to be rational! Good luck with exams!

  7. It's kinda late but : Happy birthday. ♥
    If you are going to wear the pink fancy dress again you could fix it with some tape maybe.. to make sure it'l stay in place. (:


Thanks for commenting! I appreciate it :)