Saturday, September 7, 2013

I Don't Know my Weight

One of the best realizations I had this summer was that my ED is not about weight at all. It might be about shape and image, but I really don't care about weight at all. It's such a weird realization to have after you've spent years looking at a number on the scale and forcing yourself to throw up because of it. But I wasn't really throwing up because of my weight, I was throwing up because of other things and I convinced myself it was because of my weight. 
I haven't looked at a scale in two weeks. The reason is simple: there are no scales here at college for me to hop on. But freshman year I went out and bought one, and this year I have no urge to. 
So although I feel bigger than I want to be, I don't know my weight. And I really don't care. 
It's such a relief to not have to worry about gains from one day to the next. Yesterday I binged and purged, and normally I would have gotten on the scale with trepidation thinking "crap, I'm gonna be 5 pound heavier today." But now I don't have to know if I got heavier or not. And without knowing for sure, there's a chance that I didn't get heavier. 
It's just great to not focus on weight so much. Now if I could only stop focusing on shape and image...


  1. Shape and image are worse than weight for me. I feel like the comments of "oh wow your jeans are looser/tighter" is more influencing than "Oh, have you lost 3 pounds this week?" if you know what I mean. I didn't weigh myself at all until a few weeks ago, it wasn't very surprising...Hope you have a good weekend hon, and of course you can use the format of tea and tell :)

  2. So proud of you for no longer weighing yourself! It's a wonderful feeling to not jump out of bed each morning to get on the scales, and not have them dictate your mood when they mean nothing. Things like how my clothes fit have turned out a much better gauge of if I've lost or gained significant weight.

    Take care dear, and have a lovely weekend <3 xx

  3. I can really relate to this Emily
    I have stopped weighing myself too
    I just got sick of defining myself and my happiness by a number
    Mary weighs me once a week and that's enough for me
    I don't miss it
    Not one little bit
    We are so much more than a number

    I'm glad that you have found freedom from the dreaded scale
    Scales are dangerous

    Much love x


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