Sunday, September 1, 2013

I Kissed my Best Friend

I think I've made a huge mistake. 
Obviously, I'm still getting over my ex, as we just broke up a week ago and we still love each other. I miss him every day, and we still talk, which is normally a huge no-no for me but I can't help it. It calms me to see his words. 
I don't know if anyone remembers, but last September I had a post about how I had feelings for a platonic friend, but that I would just let them fade away. They didn't. I kept having them all of last year and although I got used to it, it caused some emotional tension. 
So of course, as soon as I broke up with my bf, I felt relieved because I could finally feel these feelings without being guilty. 
I knew he felt the same way, and this was confirmed one day after we spent an evening together watching the sun set an talking and talking and talking (we can talk forever). We stood next to each other and he grabbed my hand. I was surprised, but I didn't resist. 
Later, when we were lying in the grass just talking and watching the evening get darker and darker, he worked up the nerve to kiss me. 
My only thought at the time was FINALLY. 
We decided to wait a month to actually date (to give me time to get over my bf) and until then we're just going to be friends. 
The problems are:
1. Kissing him was not as good as kissing my ex. I mean, I liked it, but it just didn't give me tingles in the same way. And I don't know if I can live with that, because it will just make me less attracted to him every time we kiss.
2. What the fuck was I thinking??? This is my best friend! I don't want to lose his friendship and I feel like I already have. Even if he asks me out in a month, if I say yes, we can't go back. If I say no, I feel like we'll have lost some of that magical stuff that made our relationship what it is. 
3. I'm afraid if I date my friend I'll lose my ex forever. He wants me back, and he's told me that he has a goal of coming back to school or finding me after I graduate and getting me back. I told him it was baloney, but I think it could actually happen. I do believe he loves me that much. Plus, I'm sure he'll stop talking to me if I date someone else. It's completely reasonable, but I don't want to stop talking to him. 
4. I feel guilty about waiting less than a week. I don't want to hurt my ex's feelings. I don't want people to think I'm a slut. 

So I don't know what to do. I guess I have three more weeks to think about this, but I really don't know what to do. 
Expect more posts on this topic. 


  1. you know what
    the thing about relationships I realise
    is that sometimes you have to let it happen. I think that's the thing about relationships - you fall into one, out of one, accidentally fall into another one - it just happens.
    it might be good. it might be bad. just make it clear to him that you don't want to lose his friendship if you ever broke up.
    calm down sweetie
    you're overanalysing things
    if you want things to happen with the platonic friend, do it. if you don't, then don't. it's as simple as that. it's a matter of choosing one over another and yes, I did make it sound easy because things with the ex didn't seem to work out now, so wait a while and think about it. do you really want a relationship with this bloke or is it just better a fantasy?
    some people are better as friends rather than boyfriends or girlfriends. that's a fact.

    -Sam Lupin

  2. Well, I thought the ex and I could work maybe, but I always had feelings for one of my good friends. Turns out it was a fantastic idea to date. I had all the concerns you did but I guess if there was a reason you thought you wanted to break up maybe you weren't all in. Either way, backing up with both is difficult. Oh, you won't be a slut. A slut sleeps with lots of people. You have real feelings for another human.

    1. Oh! side thought, when you said your friend didn't kiss as well and you didn't get the tingles? Well, my bf is not a fantastic kisser and it's been a work in progress BUT he is just so dang sweet and good to me that I find the more time I spend with him, the more I appreciate that kiss haha. If you decide to date, he's learning to kiss better with you and he's just becoming a better him when he's with you (I'm assuming) and so that's actually more valuable in the long run, in my opinion. :)

  3. I'm all for rebounds, but I guess bestfriend is not the one to have rebound kiss/sex/ect with..

    Maybe you should just remember why you broke up with your BF in the first place.. If you are still sure about all those reasons, then you should stop talking to him... At least for now... If you aren't then maybe you should rethink the breakup... Don't play with their or your own heart love..

  4. Emily I can tell you are a romantic. Anyway this plays out would make a wonderful plot to a chick flick and really that is what our lives really are, full of plots, subplots, tangets, and the like. You are writng your own story and casting the roles so remember it is up to you to lead your life in a fufilling way. You don't want to miss out on anything, lead your life and enjoy yourself. Don't go looking for a husband either, that was some of the best advice I got in college.


Thanks for commenting! I appreciate it :)