I think I've made a huge mistake.
Obviously, I'm still getting over my ex, as we just broke up a week ago and we still love each other. I miss him every day, and we still talk, which is normally a huge no-no for me but I can't help it. It calms me to see his words.
I don't know if anyone remembers, but last September I had a post about how I had feelings for a platonic friend, but that I would just let them fade away. They didn't. I kept having them all of last year and although I got used to it, it caused some emotional tension.
So of course, as soon as I broke up with my bf, I felt relieved because I could finally feel these feelings without being guilty.
I knew he felt the same way, and this was confirmed one day after we spent an evening together watching the sun set an talking and talking and talking (we can talk forever). We stood next to each other and he grabbed my hand. I was surprised, but I didn't resist.
Later, when we were lying in the grass just talking and watching the evening get darker and darker, he worked up the nerve to kiss me.
My only thought at the time was FINALLY.
We decided to wait a month to actually date (to give me time to get over my bf) and until then we're just going to be friends.
The problems are:
1. Kissing him was not as good as kissing my ex. I mean, I liked it, but it just didn't give me tingles in the same way. And I don't know if I can live with that, because it will just make me less attracted to him every time we kiss.
2. What the fuck was I thinking??? This is my best friend! I don't want to lose his friendship and I feel like I already have. Even if he asks me out in a month, if I say yes, we can't go back. If I say no, I feel like we'll have lost some of that magical stuff that made our relationship what it is.
3. I'm afraid if I date my friend I'll lose my ex forever. He wants me back, and he's told me that he has a goal of coming back to school or finding me after I graduate and getting me back. I told him it was baloney, but I think it could actually happen. I do believe he loves me that much. Plus, I'm sure he'll stop talking to me if I date someone else. It's completely reasonable, but I don't want to stop talking to him.
4. I feel guilty about waiting less than a week. I don't want to hurt my ex's feelings. I don't want people to think I'm a slut.
So I don't know what to do. I guess I have three more weeks to think about this, but I really don't know what to do.
Expect more posts on this topic.