Monday, August 13, 2012

Goals of the Week 5

My goal of no binge/purge through Thursday of last week was sort of completed. I did binge, multiple times. However, no purging commenced. I'm pretty proud of myself for that actually. If you've ever binged and then tried not to throw up, you know what a hell that is. 
My new goal is no binge or purge at least through Wednesday. And not just no purge this time, but also no binge. For real. If I make it through Wednesday, I will have lasted the longest amount of time EVER without. Fingers crossed!
My non binge-purge goal last week was to throw away my scale. Well, that didn’t happen, but it is in the back of my closet, untouched.
This week I think my non binge-purge goal will be to not weigh myself until after I see my therapist on Friday. It’s a really lofty goal, since I’m now 125 pounds, 5 pounds heavier than I was at the beginning of the summer. It makes me really anxious and uncomfortable, and in the past I’ve tried to resolve this anxiety by binging and purging and checking my weight to make sure it continues to decrease. Well, it won’t this time. And as awful as that is, I have to make sure not to remind myself of that.

Things that challenged my beliefs:
Gaining weight is the worst thing on earth: No one has noticed that I gained weight. No one except me. I obviously don’t look extra hideous or anything from gaining that 5 pounds. Life goes on.
No one thinks I’m interesting: Well, I was invited to a wedding. And that was great, even though I definitely binged. I met some really cool people and they were very welcoming.
I have no motivation when I don’t restrict: I still exercised when I wasn’t restricting. I still made pizza bubbly. I still practiced my instrument. My motivation to do these things was down, but it was still there. 

What are your goals for the week?

1 comment:

  1. Wish you much much luck achieving your goal. And you are right, only someone who has been in that cycle knows what a hell it is. But I find it awesome that you are trying to stop..I'm doing the same, and with time its getting less and less..after some time I actually got used to the feeling of food in me.

    The most important thing is that you don't binge, that way you won't feel uncomfortably full and don't feel the need to get it out..


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