Monday, August 27, 2012

Goals of the Week 7

My goal of no binge during breakfast...
Well, it kinda worked? I went about 3 days in keeping with my goal, but then circumstances intervened. The family had a big reunion over the weekend, and desserts were scattered around the house like ant infestations. I didn't even try those days, I was too intoxicated by the cookies, cakes, lemon squares... pretty much everything. I know, I know, it's no excuse. I was pretty much just being greedy. I don't know if it counts as being greedy if you feel you can't help yourself? I've often wondered how much my compulsions are compulsions. For instance sometimes I will have an absolute need to purge after I binge, but then sometimes I decide I should purge after I binge. When I binge, I don't feel as if I have a choice, but sometimes I'll go out of my way to get food for it, like make an extra trip to the grocery store. That takes fore-planning. Does it still count? 
My new b/p goal will be to not binge on dessert foods. 

My non b/p goal was to finish the ED book from the library. I did, although it didn't help me much. My psychiatrist from school got his own little blurb, which made me annoyed at him. I know most people would be happy that their mental health doctor suffered from an eating disorder just like them, because that means that the doctor has additional understanding. But in my case, I don't like it, because I want my doctor to be a pillar of strength- to not have weaknesses that I know about. 
I kind of wonder about him. Does he still worry about food? Does he weigh himself and then feel his stomach plummet when he looks at the number? Does he count the calories in his meals before he eats? Does he think about his weight and his disease as much as I do mine? 

My new goal will be to... sigh... spend at least an hour a day talking to people from the other suites. I hate to do it because in my mind they all hate me, but I have to overcome this fear of socializing. Or find other people to talk to. The same problem presents itself with suites I don't know though. They already have their group. They don't want me intruding. 
Oh dear, I'm not looking forward to this at all.

What are your goals for the week?

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