Saturday, June 15, 2013

Automatic Thoughts Day 2/ 200th Post

Today is my 200th post! 
I wanted to let everyone who reads this know how much I appreciate you reading. It means a lot to me. The comments especially, because they're always so supportive and honest and I love hearing what other people think about things. I have responses to every single comment that's ever been posted, it's just that usually I respond in my head and then forget to write it down. So just a shout out that I love all your blogs, all of you, and I love that you take some time to read my thoughts once in a while. :)

Continuing with my automatic thoughts, here is what I came up with: 

Situation: I was working on getting people up and once again I was late.
Urge: 0
Stress: 8
Ate: nothing
Thoughts: Why couldn’t she have come four minutes later? It would have taken me just four minutes and I would have been on time for ONCE. I’m so not cut out for this. Penny probably hates me. She’s talking about me right now. Telling the other nurse that I’m not a nursing student. Complaining about me because I’m so slow. I feel horrible because Penny has to do all the work and I’m just useless. She probably hates it whenever she has to work with me. I’m not even good company for her to work with. Calm down, it’s just because the nurse was late putting up our schedule. It’s not fair. I would have been on time if the schedule hadn’t been late. I hate this.

Situation: Home, tired, foggy, I know my family is about to leave for a party and I want them to go so I can eat alone.
Urge: 5
Stress: 6
Ate: handfuls of raisins
Thoughts: Can’t they just go away? I wish I could just tell them to get the fuck away. I want to be alone. I just want to eat dinner. Why can’t people in this house ever be quiet? 

1 comment:

  1. After reading this I really took a sec to think about it.
    Situation: just got to work and had been arguing with my boyfriend
    Stress: 9
    Ate: an apple (why we argued, that was what I had for breakfast)
    Thoughts: Why did you snap at your coworkers? They're nice! You're a fat bitch. Rude. Go apologize you should apologize more. You're a bitch and you're fat and you should be ashamed of yourself.

    Situation: drunk and my friend and I kissed
    Stress: 7
    Ate: a burger, plain, a lot of potato salad, some ice cream, purged a little
    Thoughts: You're a whore. You're fat, you're desperate, and you're a whore. Those are three things no one wants to be and you are. You shouldn't have ate. You shouldn't be leading your bf and your friend on. You're selfish.

    I am really mean to myself. These are only two situations throughout the day even. I try to combat them sometimes but I just hear the same tape playing over and over. "Fat. Bitch. Whore. Selfish." Repeat.



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