Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Lean on Me

Telling people the truth. It's the hardest thing to do for someone with an ED. 
"I'll be judged."
"People will think I'm disgusting."
"They won't like me that way anymore."
"They'll think I'm selfish."
"They'll know I'm not perfect."

But it seems to me that the best chance of recovery comes when the most people know about your illness and can fight it with you. 
I have been putting off telling people about my bulimia for so long because I'm afraid of the consequences. I'll probably still put it off even longer but I know it has to be done. I'll make baby steps. 
So I made a list of people that I can tell. 

1. My friend E
2. My friend C
3. Mom
4. Dad
5. My cousin

I've already told my boyfriend, so that's one out of the way. Phew. And I told my parents last year that I had an ED, but they think I'm all better now, and it's not like they really cared last year. My friends that I want to tell are both guys, and they're both really supportive and understanding. I know that they'd support me and help me, but I can't bear the thought of them knowing. 
What would happen if I told these people?
Well, E would probably be disgusted but still agree to help me, or he'd understand because he's gone through some hardships with depression and knows about mental illness.
C would probably not be surprised, and he would take the news lightly, just because he wouldn't know what to do with it. It's his nature to be funny and happy no matter what. He might not understand the gravity of the situation.
My cousin... I have no idea. I've grown more distant from her throughout the years. She probably wouldn't know what to say and then I'd just feel uncomfortable around her.
My parents... well. I don't know. My mom would be crushed and worried sick. My dad would probably also be worried sick and a bit annoyed that I have to have the illness. They might walk on eggshells around food with me. They would feel guilty. Mom would always try to make me eat MORE because she knows nothing about bulimia. Ugh. 

Are you considering telling anyone? Who?
If you were me and had to pick one person to tell, who would it be? 


  1. I had told hubby I had some issues, but with mia sticking her head out the months before our wedding, and with me constantly panicking over food when I got pregnant (I think I cried on every single grocery trip we tok :S ) and me having to tell the nurse when she asked about it.. Well lets just say it really came out..

    My bff knows some ... Not all.. I feel like I don't need to talk about it anymore.. I dunno really.. This is a hard one..

  2. this is a really interesting post and i love that you are doing this because it really does mean something. beforehand, i kept on thiinking that people will think i'm an attention seeker or wonder why i'm not thin even though i also fell within bulimic spectrum rather than restrictive spectrum.

    i did tell quite a few people and i realise that it definitely does help. the more people know, the more i sort of accepted it. the more i can talk if i was feeling insecure, the more they understood the gravity of the situation. i think the only two people that have ever taken the news very very lightly were my parents, because they just have this fallacy that anorexia is worse than bulimia and if i fell within the bulimic range then it's just not important. worse, my Mother made jokes about EDs constantly when i was around which did not make it any better.

    i think i've learned to try and pull away the judgment, because i've realised that over time, you will come to accept however peopel do react around it. even if it's harsh and negative and cruel, you'd be accustomed to it, but the doubt that you have from not telling people is worse i'd think. it's strange then.

    i think the only person i do regret telling is my own girlfriend so to speak, because i just have this feeling that i am constantly judged by her because she's thin and i'm not. however, i do realise that this is an insane thought process and she has never done that. if anything, she has made me feel incredibly comfortable about gaining weight in a way that other people did not.

    it's a struggle. it really is. every decision feels like it has to be calculated, but all in all, the general idea i've figured out is that i don't mind telling people anymore if they were close enough but it's getting out of control if everyone knows that if im trying to recover from an ED.

    blimey. this was a long comment. sorry about that, love! good luck on telling these people, and i'll hope that they'll take it nicely. i've been worried about you for some bit x

    take care of yourself, honey. you will always deserve it. :)

    -Sam Lupin

  3. I would tell as many people as I feel comfortable
    Your parents and friends especially as they're the ones closest to you
    I think the more people that know, the more support you will get

    Let us know how you got on x

  4. I've been struggling to tell my mom for so long. And there are moments I just want to scream in her face. But I never do, something holds me back, I convince myself I'm better off dealing with this on my own. I have told friends before but they either forget or don't take it seriously, I only have around 4 friends that get it, and that's because they've gone through bouts of disordered eating before.

  5. I've already told my boyfriend. I told him a while ago actually, and he's been amazing about it. Just having SOMEONE at the table who knows why I get weird when the food comes is comforting in itself.
    Hmm... Probably a good friend. I don't believe in telling a world full of people but that's because I have very little faith in me and them. But if I were on the road to recovery, I think telling people would be a great start, though hard.
    Take care sweetie <3


Thanks for commenting! I appreciate it :)