Today was a success! No binging and no purging. I even exercised too and had a great conversation with my boyfriend.
That being said, there were a couple situations which almost made me binge, but I managed to deflect them.
Situation: I lied. It wasn't life-threatening and it didn't harm anyone but I'm ashamed of it. I lied to make myself seem more capable. I lied yesterday and nothing bad happened, but someone suspected me of lying and it made me feel so guilty. I woke up today feeling horrible about it and I can say that I've learned my lesson, at least for the near future. I will never lie on the job again.
Emotion: guilt/shame
Ate: Nothing. I just curled up in a ball on my bed and tried to breathe deeply.
Thoughts: He knows. He knows I lied and I should be fired. I deserve it for lying to make myself look better. I suck. I'll never do it again, I promise, just let it blow over, please. I don't deserve anyone's trust. Everyone knows. Everyone is talking about me and none of them trust me anymore.
Situation: I got back from exercising and just had to have a piece of dessert. What I ate fit into my calorie limit, but then I wanted to eat more.
Emotion: craving?
Ate: grapes, instead of dessert
Thoughts: That tasted soooo gooooood, I need more. There's more of it and no one else will eat it if I don't. I should get it out of the way while I still can. No, I should eat grapes instead. They're low in calories and they'll taste really good. Just eat five and then see if you still want dessert.
I love how you're keeping track of your thought patterns like this. Do you think it's helping much? I imagine it must help in some way to just stop and record your thoughts and emotions.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with decorating your sisters' cake! I can't wait to see pictures.
xx
im glad that you managed not to b/p and you managed to also exercise! grand!
ReplyDeletethe lying thing makes me unhappy. aw. like you said. it wasn't life-threatening. yeah - you did learn your lesson, and that's it. move on. there's no use on hurting yourself over it.
oh, i know some girls who get hungry after exercise (i can go both ways right now) but yeah. oh, that's a nice way to track this up. for me, if i...sort of log in a piece of cheesecake or a bag of chocolate buttons for later or something, then i feel less guilty about consuming it because it was 'planned'. i don't know if you are the same, but it's something i recommend considering that if it's there in your food bank and you took it into account then it feels right. however, if you don't eat it and have to delete it, that's such a rewarding feeling as well.
take care of yourself, Emily xo
-Sam Lupin
Actually, I have done this before and it does work. I think I'll take your advice and do it more often.
Delete