I'm seeing my therapist in an hour, so I might as well use this time to record the last automatic thoughts for this week. We'll see where all this thinking goes in the session today.
Situation: I was making a cake for my sister and I really really really wanted to binge on the batter. I'm a batter junkie. It's more delicious than cooked cake in my opinion.
Stress: 3
Ate: a few spoonfuls of batter (for taste testing, of course...)
Thoughts: You'll never get the chance to do this again. No one is watching, it's right in front of you. Just eat a little, no one will notice. You've been good for two days, you're allowed to go crazy now.
What have your automatic thoughts been?
omg. the batter is fucking amazing. it's why i don't make cake. then theres my Mother that's just like 'DONT EAT IT THERE ARE EGGS IN IT' omg. and i have this thing about weighing things before i eat them. perhaps, i can weigh the batter and keep some aside when im making the cake. and just overestimate a bit since i know that throughout the thing i'm going to want to taste test it.
ReplyDeleteaww =(
mine yesterday were mostly depression episode orientated. i fully believe that nobody should care about me when im eating an absurd amount and this fuelled my thoughts - and my inevitable breakdown. it was something more or less off: you're too fat to be depressed. look at you. depressed. if you hurt so much then why the fuck did you eat as much as you do? maybe if you starve to death, maybe then people will believe you and take you seriously. go die in a hole and never come back. you can purge. you can exercise. you can take laxatives. JUST. DO. SOMETHING. HURT YOURSELF.
those were the thoughts that made me purge about the first time in 2 months, but i'm back again, picking myself up. it's hell, but it's worth it x
-Sam Lupin