Thursday, June 13, 2013

Therapy Session 4: Sometimes I am Good Enough

Today I got to complain about my job. It made me feel a lot better getting everything off my chest, all about my inadequacies and how I feel like I'm not good enough and should be fired. Sometimes talking and having someone reassure you is enough. 

But today was mostly about my supposed core belief: I am not good enough.
I came up with that line when she asked me what my core belief was. Is there any such thing as just one core belief? Everything I am does not fall back to the phrase "I am not good enough." I'm sure not all my stress results from thinking this. It's too simple. Nevertheless, it's a thought that I believe and it would be nice to change that. 
I'm not good enough at my job. I'm not fast enough.
I'm not a good enough girlfriend because my bf got mad at me a few times over the course of the year and a half we've been dating.
I'm not good enough at programming to get a job doing it.
I'm not good enough at recovery to recover.
I'm not good enough appearance-wise to attract lots and lots of men.
I'm not good enough personality-wise to attract lots and lots of friends. 
I'm not smart enough to earn tons of scholarships.

There's more, I just can't think of it right now. 
Anyway, the idea of the session was to chance this thought, the "I am not good enough" into "Sometimes I am good enough."
I'd never thought of phrasing it that way before. Because I do believe it. Sometimes what I do is enough. For example, I get up by myself every morning at 6 to go to work. 
And putting the thought in a more positive way makes it sound a lot better. It makes ME sound a lot better. 
I am good enough to get into orchestra. 
I am good enough (appearance) to get a boyfriend.
I am good enough to have a few friends.
I am good enough to get As and Bs in all my classes.
I am good enough to write at least one outstanding story. 
I am good enough to stop my binges and purges sometimes. 

Still sounds pathetic, but it's better than the first way. 


  1. It doesn't sound pathetic at all. Sometimes it can be really helpful to have an outside perspective on things, especially when they can help you turn those thoughts around. They say there's always two ways of looking at things. Maybe we just need a nudge to see it sometimes.


  2. I really like this idea. Maybe I should work on some things I'm sometimes good at, because lately it seems like I'm fucking up everything I touch.

  3. omg i like the thought of being reassured really its sometimes, you just need someone to listen really because you know words wont matter.
    core belief. mine is: i am not thin enough. and it actually has ruined my entire life. i am not thin enough to have an ED. i am not thin enough to have depression (how does that make any sense?)
    i think i should as well try to remember that how thin i am does not mean that my problems are less significant than others. if it's something i won't apply to everyone but myself then it's wrong.
    i think that's something we all have to take into consideration.
    i love you.
    and i'm glad that you're working on this. you are very strong, Emily, and i hope you remember this. and you are good enough for everything it seems to me. you're lovely and kind and smart and very reflective and i love you.
    -Sam Lupin

    1. Love you too!
      I should try to remember that my problems are significant too. I mean, they might not ACTUALLY be, but they are to me, since I have to deal with them.
      Thank you for the encouragement. It's actually making me tear up a little bit because... I can't put my finger on it. But it moved me.

  4. It's not pathetic in the least. Most of my thoughts are like what you put for your first example. I'm hoping someday I can switch them like you are. As for your bulimia, I'm struggling as well and I hope I can go out and get help like you have. I also really enjoy your blog. I send my best wishes to you and your recovery. xx -Dani.

    1. Thanks! I'm glad to know that someone else thinks like me. It always makes me feel closer to people.


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