Saturday, August 24, 2013

Emily is Unsexy Forever

Yesterday, after a great night of salsa dancing, I came back to my dorm and broke up with my boyfriend. 
I was not something I wanted to do but it had to be done. He won't be coming back to school and it seems like I would never get to see him in person again, as he lives so far away. I know that long distance relationships are not a good idea for me and it's just the basis of pain and suffering for a long, drawn out time. 
He knew it was going to end if he couldn't come back, so it wasn't a surprise. And he agreed that it was a better idea to end it before things got sour. 

I wouldn't take it back. 
But I don't know if I'll ever get over it. 

I feel like I'll be alone forever. That no one else will find me sexy or beautiful. No one else will love me as deeply or accept me for who I am. No one else will love me for all the reasons he did. I keep telling myself that I didn't make a mistake, but on the surface that's what it feels like. The biggest mistake of my life so far. 

Everything reminds me of him. The room where he would have stayed, the beds, the places where we created memories. I picked up a leopard print bra and I started crying because the reason I bought it was to be sexy for him. I have his old gloves that he gave me to keep my hands warm. One of the blankets I brought to school was his favorite and he liked to wrap himself up in it like he was Cousin It. At least he didn't ever get to ride in my car. 

This is all my fault. We could have stayed together if I hadn't decided we should break up. I don't deserve any sympathy from people and I doubt I'll get any. Do you know what I did? He was crying and I hung up on him. (I was crying too, but that's beside the point) He's right- he has nothing right now. He has no education, no job, no plan, and now no girlfriend. 
I think he'll be okay, and I really do want him to be okay. 
I'll just have to miss him. 

Have you ever been through a painful breakup? 
What helped you?


  1. Look, I know you are sad, but remember if it ments to be, you will find your self back with him.

    I have done plenty of shitty/painful breakups and I'm afraid I don't have any good advice to give but give your self some time, and things will be OK - one way or another. *hugs*

  2. yeah. things will be fine.
    when Peanut Butter broke up with me, I was devastated. I many horrible things but it does get better. it always will. your heart heals. your mind heals. everything heals.
    and the thing is: it's untrue. someone will love you for all the reasons that he did, and more. someone will love you just as much as he did, or even more. love is unconditional. that's the beautiful thing about it. and the thing is: even if you are alone forever, so what? it doesn't mean that you are a lonely person. it doesn't mean anything.
    honestly, I sort of like being alone more than I like being with people. i'm okay with being single and okay being with someone. it doesn't matter to me. honestly, the only person that you can depend on is yourself sometimes.
    you had to do it. you know you had to. so breathe in, girlie. it'll be okay in the end. xo

    -Sam Lupin

  3. I'm sorry to hear this Emily, but it sounds like you did the right thing. You will find others who love you, just as deeply. There will be others who find you sexy and beautiful. Distance has gotten in the way, and that's nothing against you.
    When I broke up with my ex, it was easy because he was such an ass. I kicked him out and never spoke to him again.

    You'll be in my thoughts dear. Sending love and a hug <3 xx

  4. I'm so sorry Emily but it sounds like you did the right thing for you
    I'm a firm believe of the saying

    'If you love someone, let them go, if they come back they are yours, if they don't they never were,

    Be kind to yourself, you must be feeling pretty upset and vulnerable
    Keep reminding yourself that you did what is right for you
    And you will meet someone else
    It might not feel like it now but of course there is someone out there who will love you
    There's more than one person for everyone
    I don't believe that there is only one person for everyone
    If that's true then what if you never meet them?
    Are you destined to be alone forever?

    Take care my lovely x

  5. Aww my dear Emily.... :( I am so sorry to hear that..
    But I think you've made the right choice. If things aren't going to work, then it's better to end it sooner rather than later.

    Last year, when things first started to get hard for me and my ex,I knew that our relationship was not gonna last long, but I didn't have the guts to end it... and in the end, he dumped me on my 21st birthday (through text too :p) and it was freakin awful. I just wish I had ended it earlier, then things wouldn't have been so painful.
    I want to congratulate you for being so brave and courageous to do such a hard thing!

    When you break up with someone, it may feel like the whole world is coming to an end, but just be strong, and I promise you will be fine!
    And like Ruby said; be kind to yourself, and don't blame yourself for what happened, because you did the right thing.

    Remember we all love you and care about you!
    love and hugs

  6. Oh Emily break ups suck. I think it feels worse when you part on "good" terms because anger, hate and blame can go to no one. That also means that if you two are ment be be together you will have an interesting story to tell your grandkids. But honestly, it will suck for awhile so make sure you keep doing fun things like going out dancing so that you can have fun.

  7. Thank you everyone, you really helped me feel better about this :)


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