Yesterday, after a great night of salsa dancing, I came back to my dorm and broke up with my boyfriend.
I was not something I wanted to do but it had to be done. He won't be coming back to school and it seems like I would never get to see him in person again, as he lives so far away. I know that long distance relationships are not a good idea for me and it's just the basis of pain and suffering for a long, drawn out time.
He knew it was going to end if he couldn't come back, so it wasn't a surprise. And he agreed that it was a better idea to end it before things got sour.
I wouldn't take it back.
But I don't know if I'll ever get over it.
I feel like I'll be alone forever. That no one else will find me sexy or beautiful. No one else will love me as deeply or accept me for who I am. No one else will love me for all the reasons he did. I keep telling myself that I didn't make a mistake, but on the surface that's what it feels like. The biggest mistake of my life so far.
Everything reminds me of him. The room where he would have stayed, the beds, the places where we created memories. I picked up a leopard print bra and I started crying because the reason I bought it was to be sexy for him. I have his old gloves that he gave me to keep my hands warm. One of the blankets I brought to school was his favorite and he liked to wrap himself up in it like he was Cousin It. At least he didn't ever get to ride in my car.
This is all my fault. We could have stayed together if I hadn't decided we should break up. I don't deserve any sympathy from people and I doubt I'll get any. Do you know what I did? He was crying and I hung up on him. (I was crying too, but that's beside the point) He's right- he has nothing right now. He has no education, no job, no plan, and now no girlfriend.
I think he'll be okay, and I really do want him to be okay.
I'll just have to miss him.
Have you ever been through a painful breakup?
What helped you?