Friday, August 9, 2013

I Shouldn't Go on Vacations

Belize was beautiful! Everything was a rich green, there were lots of large flowers, and the carribbean sea was amazing. I’ll post a couple pictures to show you.
I got to visit mayan ruins, go to the zoo, horseback ride, swim in a lagoon, and snorkel on a coral reef with sharks and fish.
The highlight of the trip was swimming on the reef with the sharks. There were nurse sharks all around us, feeding on the fish our guide was giving them. Sting rays by the dozen glided under us, nearly brushing our feet with their stinging tails.
But the sting rays weren’t the most frightening part of the trip. The most frightening part was feeling like I was gaining so much weight.

Why do I always go into vacations thinking I’ll be able to lose weight? It’s not easier than at home, it’s much much harder, and I need to realize that so I won’t be set up to fail.
Really, I didn’t do too badly. And I ended up only gaining a pound or so when I thought I’d gained at least five (yes, I’ve done that in a week before).
The food was awful though. Good tasting, but awful for you. Every morning for breakfast we had something fried or cooked in butter. Tortillas, fryjacks, cheese, beans… NOT my ideal way to start the day. Then we had a big lunch of starches and meat. No vegetables, and mostly the starches were fried. For “tea” (what they call dinner) we usually had sweet bread and fruit, so it was nothing filling at all. I know dinner is supposed to be a lighter meal there, but that was when I probably ate the most calories, because the sweet bread did nothing whatsoever to fill me up and there were no other options.
I hate starches.
What was worse was having no control over the time when we ate. Ever since I started eating breakfast it’s been important for me to eat it as soon as I get up. It helps me wake up and start my day right. In Belize, breakfast was made for us every day, so sometimes I was up for a few hours before I got anything. Other times I woke up early and there was food leftover from the previous night, so I ate my breakfast then. But when REAL breakfast was served I was expected to eat again. And when I tried to say I wasn’t hungry people kept forcing food on me. Lunch was anywhere between 1 and 4 PM. And dinner could be as late as 9. I don’t mind later times, really, but I need to know when I’m eating ahead of time otherwise I get anxious and Ed finds a way to slip in.
Lastly, Everyone eats a lot in Belize. Not just us vacationers. We stayed with family members (all the adults were overweight, all the kids were stick thin) and they ate 3 or 4 tortillas each per meal. It was too much. I felt rude refusing food.
So a lot of the time I overate.
There were a few nights where I lay awake with Ed promising to restrict again when I got back.
I did better than you’re all thinking. Every day I wrote in my journal about my food thoughts and how Ed was not invited on my vacation. I made a deal with myself to only eat until I was full. Even though I did eat about 3000 calories a day (estimate) I only got stuffed twice the entire vacation. (How do you eat 3000 calories a day and not get stuffed? You work up to it. Gradually. And I’m ashamed that I got there. Plus, you eat bread, which doesn’t fill you up)
I only purged once the entire vacation.
And I only gained about one pound from it all. So I guess I did a little bit right. I’m trying to not be too hard on myself.
Now that I’m back it’s time to get back to making goals and doing a lot of work on myself. School is starting soon and I feel like I don’t have enough time to get ready. If I don’t comment on blogs tonight I’ll probably do it tomorrow. 


  1. Wow it looks amazing! I think the plan you had of eating just until you are full and then stopping is a wonderful idea. I find when I practice mind full eating and being present in the moment I enjoy myself much more than when I just inhale my food. Also flying will cause most people to retain water so a one pound gain is awesome it shows that you were able to control and enjoy yourself at the same time.

  2. Look at that sting ray! It's so cute! Even if they do freak me out. (Those sting ray tanks at aquariums, I never want to touch them) I would be terrified to have sharks around me, even if they were nurse sharks. Idk, something about dangerous swimming animals...the food sounds like a lot, but honestly, it sounds like the experiences are going to stick with you longer than the food. I'm proud of you for journaling and staying level headed. Happy you had a great time!!

  3. I'm so jealous! I want to see the ruins! You know, she's right, the experience will last longer. When I went to Greece I gained weight but I don't regret all the nights of great meals and drinking wine by the ocean. I'm glad you had fun and I'm proud of you for confronting Ed.

  4. uh oh - the post title though there's something there telling me that something happened that I don't want ot know about isn't there
    omg yes pictures
    I hope ther'es one of you (don't give a shit about scenery)
    omg the carol reef thing sounds AWESOME
    welcome to bulimia. gaining 10 in a week is possible.
    cheese is the best way to start the day
    fuck Ed omg dsifojsogjs
    I know what you mean
    honestly I get freaked out when people change around MY eating schedule
    kids are all stick thin. I hate them all.
    thank you. bread. bread does nothing. it just tastes good. that's it. fuck me.
    and awwwwww i'm just glad you didn't gain too much so it won't make you do that OH MY GOSH I HAVE TO RESTRICT NOW I JUST GAINED ONE MILLION POUNDS I'M GOING TO BE THIN sort of thing

    <3 I love you
    -Sam Lupin
    PS. good luck with this week!

  5. So jealous! It must've been amazing to see Mayan ruins. You can keep swimming with sharks and stingrays for yourself though.
    It sounds like you managed the food okay, even if stressful. Writing in your journal each day would have to've helped, I'm so glad ED stayed home.
    Only one purge?! Yes! Congrats Emily! That's amazing, well done.
    The pics are gorgeous, I love the flora especially. Sigh, I need an exotic holiday :P



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