Josie suggested this list. Since Emily is rational and Ed doesn't make sense, I am going to write MY responses to cons that Ed came up with.
Cons of Recovery
1. No blog- This is MY blog, not your blog, Ed. I can write even if I'm recovered. In fact, I think if I am ever fully recovered it would be a good idea to keep writing because staying in recovery is hard.
2. Might become fat- I know this isn't true because I don't restrict anymore. And bingeing and purging does nothing except make me gain weight.
3. Might become depressed- I can stop depression in its tracks by calling people to me and going out to do things with others. I know when I need people to help, and I have supports who will answer the call.
4. Might be boring- I am not boring. I have friends who love me and who think I am not boring. I am shy, but not boring.
5. No therapy- therapy is just as important for recovered people, in order to help them stay in recovery. Even if not, I can do my own therapy by calling on my friends to go do fun activities with them. And I know I can confess my fears to them once in a while too.
6. No justification for feeling sad- Everyone feels sad once in a while. I don't need justification.
7. No justification for wanting good things- Everyone wants good things too. Just because I have a good life does not mean I don't deserve them.
8. Must face other problems- I can face problems. I am a problem solver.
- no friends- I have friends. I must not discount them.
- boringness- I am not boring.
- uselessness- This summer has proven that I am not useless.
9. Nothing to work towards- I can work towards recovery. Towards helping others in my job. Towards being a good student or a good singer. Maybe I'll train for a marathon.
10. Not unique- I am unique to those who know me.
11. Can't surprise/scare people- I wouldn't do that anyway, since I don't want to tell anyone about my bulimia, even after I recover.
12. My life might not be any better- I must have faith that it will be. Plus, so what if it isn't any better? My life is pretty damn good already.
13. I'll be mean- Ed does not control my personality. I control that.
14. I won't have empathy- I will have all the experiences I have right now, so I will be able to look back on them and understand. Also, ditto from number 13.
15. Have to deal with feeling stuffed- I will not feel stuffed most of the time. When I am stuffed, I will be able to deal with it because I am strong and I will have people around me.
16. Won't be able to experience all foods- I can experience all the foods I want to. I just won't be able to binge on things.
This is great! It's a great idea to combat those negative thoughts instead of just writing them out.
ReplyDeleteWhat an awesome list! I think writing down your own responses to what Ed says to you is a great idea cos it encourages you to recover instead of just focusing on the list of cons that Ed tells you. I should try doing this too :)
ReplyDeletethis is so amazing
ReplyDeleteyou are so amazing
-Sam Lupin
This is such a great list! It shows just how strong and courageous you are in being able to fight this demon. You are so much more than Ed! X
ReplyDeleteI love seeing how you seperate Ed from yourself. It's not something I'm able to do, everything is so jumbled.
ReplyDeleteAnd to answer your question, I don't feel any benefits when I eat more. It drains me mentally and makes me uncomfortable physically, but even when I was eating 1,200 a day my energy levels etc. are still crap.
Keep fighting <3 xx
I love this! I also love that on number 1 you answered "if I recover" but then on number 11 you wrote "even after I recover." Recovery is hard and not a straight path. I think fightng an ED is like fighting cancer. Both diseases can kill you, both can go into remission, both might come back into your life but no matter what you keep fighting it. There is no set recovery for this; you could beat this and never have to deal with this crap ever again, or it might pop up once in awhile. If it rears its ugly head again you will notice sooner and know how to fight it, and the time between is SO worth it because you are worth it! No matter what don't give up on yourself and your life.
ReplyDelete