So I've been bingeing and purging every day since Thursday.
I'm going back to school in a week, and I'm very happy about that. It means less exposure to triggering foods like cake and pie and everything.
I'm sad because my boyfriend (of almost 2 years) might not be coming back to school. And if that's the case, then I have to break up with him, because he lives nine hours away and I cannot handle long-distance relationships for longer than a summer.
I'm sad because the girls in group are so amazing and kind and I feel like I've been selfish.
I'm sad because I didn't make any close friends from the experience.
I'm sad because I feel like my friends are bored of me.
It's funny, because being sad actually makes me NOT want to eat. So you'd think it would be a perfect remedy for bulimia. But no. Because whenever I don't feel depressed, I've been eating.
Long distance relationships are hard.. I was with my ex for 1,5 years (he lived in The Netherlands, and I lived in Norway)... We met once a month, but it was REALLY hard..
ReplyDeleteWhen I got with my husband, it started as a long distance relationship too, but we were together for like 2 out of 4 weeks a month, and we moved together 6 months after the relationship started.. So it is a tough one..
I often feel sad about not making more friends too.. I do have some really nice girls at work, but I just don't seem to be able to "click" with them.. And like you, eventhough being sad does make me not want to eat, I stuff my face behind repairs..
Don't let the sadness feed mia... you have been doing great, and you my dear can get back on track.. And things will be OK.. You will be OK..
*hugs*
You know, they really are hard, but you've already built a foundation together. If you think you could end up being married someday, truly, I think you should give it some thought. Just an idea. The ex and I did it for years. It sucked, but I don't think that was what caused the break up. The new bf and I are doing it now. You could skype him maybe? You just put a lot of work into it.
ReplyDeleteWe've all been selfish. All of us. Those girls too. What's important is what we do between selfish periods. You seem like a nice person regardless. Sometimes people click and sometimes they don't. Once of the girls on blogger and I became really really good friends and we actually text and call each other. Honestly, it's just a matter of clicking. It doesn't reflect on who you are. Sometimes we inhabit moments with people and that's enough.
Cheer up dear. I know it's hard. Going back to school makes me both happy and depressed. Thinking of you.
I do think we could end up married someday, but I also know without a doubt that I do not want a long-distance relationship. Especially since I've had to deal with not seeing him at all during the summer. I hate it and it puts a lot of strain on our relationship.
DeleteThanks for the advice though. You give me a lot of insight and a lot of good ideas.
I'm in such a bad mood right now... I want to yell at someone. Ever have those days? :/
foods can be so triggering sweetie
ReplyDeletebut you've done so well before and you can do well again.
aw honey x i'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend :( (accidentally said 'brother').
people are selfish sweetie. it's human nature.
i'm sad to see that you're down. you don't deserve this. it's sad to see you like this. you are such a beautiful person and an amazing inspiration. I don't think any of that of you x and a lot of people don't. there's a good chance you're probably the only one that thinks that of yourself, okay?
take care of yourself x
you deserve it sweetie
-Sam Lupin
Long distance relationships suck especially during your college years. I did it for awhile and it couldn't work at that time. With all the new experiences and things you can end up growing apart without realizing it. Yes it can be done if you both really want to and can put in the effort. My thought has always been that if you are ment to be with a person then it will happen, maybe at a different time that's all.
ReplyDeleteGood luck. And remember to have fun in school!