I blame my ED for a lot of things, especially the continuance of behaviors.
I binged? I have an eating disorder. I ate five pieces of cake? I couldn't help it, Ed was whispering in my ear.
While this may be true, it doesn't excuse any of it.
I can either blame my ED or I can live well in spite of it.
It's time to cut the crap. I know how to recover. I need to do it.
your comment made me really calm actually. it's true. the full feeling does go away. i'm not going to be obese because i've had a few bad food days. "You have your whole life ahead of you to lose weight, and you've done it before," THIS. THIS. i think if i'm not losing weight constantly i feel like i can't 'prove' that i can lose weight. which is the crappiest, stupidest thought process i've come to date.
ReplyDeleteand yes. i totally understand how you feel on THIS retrospect.
i will find every excuse in the metaphorical book to find a reason why i can't eat during the depression. a lot of time it's just pure fatigue. i'm so tired and i can't bother with anything that i don't eat. that's the stupidest reason on the planet. S. actually told me once that it was a crap reason for not eating.
honestly, sometimes if you write out your logic on a piece of paper - that's when you realise you're not right in the head.
try doing that actually. write out your thought process whenever you want to binge/purge and reread it. it'll make you see a lot of clarity x
-Sam Lupin
Ugh, you just wrote exactlly what I needed to hear-logic. I have been lax on curbing my ED behaviors and I need to get back to a healthy balance. Thank you for the sign.
ReplyDeleteI totally feel ya. I always blame my ed for everything. Keep your head up darling.
ReplyDeleteXOXO