Thursday, November 22, 2012

Bulimia Anniversary

This is the day that started everything. 
Two years ago, I was 115 pounds and in the middle of losing even more weight. I used to exercise every day for up to two hours and eat little amounts of food. My stomach had adjusted to this, and I'd made it a whole three or four months without slipping. If I'd continued like that I probably would've developed "official" anorexia; I was about 10 pounds away from being underweight anyway.
That didn't happen. 
I made myself lose weight for the holidays, especially thanksgiving and Christmas. So on Thanksgiving, I made myself eat seconds and thirds of every dish I knew I used to love. It felt awful and I thought my stomach would burst. Suddenly, regaining all the weight I'd lost was a horrible idea, and I couldn't let it happen. I'd tried to make myself throw up before, but I guess I was too scared before or didn't stick my finger down far enough. 
This time, in downstairs bathroom in my cousin's house, around the corner from all the guests and just behind a thin wooden door, I made myself vomit up everything I'd eaten. 
And then I ate some more. 
I thought Thanksgiving would be the first and last time I made myself throw up. I managed to keep myself away from doing anything stupid until Christmas, but after that the cycle was in full swing and I couldn't stop. 
Right now I think I'm getting worse, because I'm able to binge and throw up many times a day. And sometimes I do. 

To make up for this morose post, here are ten things I'm thankful for:
1. Hot tea swirled with sweet n low
2. hugs from my cousins
3. my wonderful loving boyfriend
4. romantic kisses
5. a full head of hair
6. snowflakes
7. stretchy pants
8. a tuned piano
9. electricity
10. baby pictures of my siblings (they were so cute!)

What are you guys thankful for?


  1. I can identify a lot Emily
    Like a lot of people I started out as an anorectic and over time it morphed in to bulimia

    Today I am thankful for my peace of mind x

  2. I can relate to you too! For years I would restrict in order to lose weight but I recently worked out how to purge and now I have no clue if I should restrict/purge/do both...stay strong x


Thanks for commenting! I appreciate it :)