Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Dear John (Ed),

Dear Ed,

I am divorcing you. I love you but I hate you at the same time. In fact, I didn't even believe we were separate people until a few days ago. A little voice in my head kept saying "It's stupid. Give it a name and it will consume you. Take responsibility for your own actions."
Well guess what. That voice was you. You were so strong you had me believing bulimia was a part of me when it's actually just you inhabiting my body. 
You make me think I want to do certain things when I don't. Once you're gone, I won't be stealing food. Sneaking it in the dead of night. Eating until my stomach hurts. Throwing up six times a day. Because that is not what I, Emily, do. It's what you do and you use my body to do it.
Henceforth, your every move will be under surveillance. Transcripts will be made of every conversation you have with me or anyone.
I do not want you to abuse me anymore. Stop calling me names. Stop making me feel fat. Stop making me eat when I don't want to. Stop pretending you love me. Stop watching me. Stop making me nervous. Stop tricking me into thinking no one loves me and that I am worthless.
I'm watching.



  1. I love this Emily!
    You are such a fighter and I admire that about you

    I have no doubt that you can do this
    You have good insight and more importantly a will to live

    I'm cheering you on x

  2. Coming from someone 4 months purge-free (and at one point throwing up like 8 times a day some days) - you can do it!!!!!! xox

  3. I love this! You write wonderfully, and the idea of a breakup letter to ED is brilliant.
    You can do this Emily. It's hard to break free of an abuser when the abuser dwells within you, but don't give up. You're already halfway there.

  4. Its so beautifully written :) keep up the good job :) I think you have been really courageous and brave :)
    I love you for who you are :)

  5. I love this approach, I think it is wonderful.


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