Sunday, July 7, 2013

New Courage, New Fears

I can certainly say I've been making leaps and bounds on the journey of recovery lately. 
I've had a great first week of July (4 good days this week!) and I have a feeling in my gut that there are more to come. 
I've been texting and talking to one of the girls from group, and texting another girl. 
They're both really nice, and their warm responses to me reaching out have made me feel more secure in myself. I've also been trying to use my support more. Ask for advice, text them when I want to talk. Instead of just engaging in the behaviors. Asking for help is still weird for me and I haven't done it before behaviors yet, only after. But it's a step in the right direction.
I'm coming to realize that there is a lot of support for me out there. I just need to learn how to use it. 

Feeling so accepted has made me think about doing the unthinkable: telling my parents. 
Last time, telling my parents was a bad idea. They didn't really respond to the fact that I had an ED. I refused to tell them anything about it, and they acted out of misconceptions.
But what would happen if I told them the truth? 
I'm scared to do it, but sometimes I can imagine it going well. 

I also can't seem to shake the awkward when I talk to one of the girls from group. I don't know why; maybe it's just my nerves kicking in. I thought about apologizing for it but my boyfriend has managed to talk me out of it so far. Explaining myself might make me feel more relieved, but I don't know if it would help our friendship. 


  1. So delighted to read this Emily
    You are right, the support is there, we just need to ask for help
    Easier said than done but you are doing it and that is amazing

    I had no idea that your parents didn't know
    But I think if you're comfortable telling them then it is a good idea
    The more support the better

    I agree with your boyfriend
    Chances are that your friends haven't noticed that you feel a bit awkward
    They don't know you that well yet so they wouldn't pick up on it

    Keep doing what you're doing girl x

  2. I'm so glad to hear you've kept contacting them. It's definetely a step in the right direction, as scary as it is.

    It might just take a while for the nerves to subside on the awkward side of things. I think it's pretty normal at the start of friendships, but I'm sure it'll improve once you get to know each other better.

    If you think you're comfortable to tell your parents, go for it. Especially if you can imagine it going well. They can be such a huge support, and it may very well help your recovery.

    Stay strong dear xx

  3. I like the thought of leaps and bounds here x
    this is making me smile so much my face just broke into half. i'm so glad to hear this because in all honesty, you deserve all the support that you get. it's rather lovely x
    sometimes them knowing is okay. sometimes, it isn't. I am the example of 'it isn't' unfortunately. telling them that I have a problem with purging made them make bulimia jokes towards me. the thing is I also live in a culture where physical health is more important than mental health.
    I always go for explaining yourself because for me when you explain yourself, it makes others be aware of your actions and why you say/do the things that you say. it's helped me twice during the depression mind you so it can't be all that bad, right?

    take care of yourself, darling x

    -Sam Lupin


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