Lately, I've been trying to write down conversations between Ed and I whenever I feel triggered. Here's one:
Ed: You’re already over the calorie limit. Go eat a swiss roll.
Emily: No. I am rational. I don’t want to eat the extra calories
Ed: Yes you do.
Emily: No. I do not. YOU do.
Ed: You do too.
Emily: I am not you.
Ed: I will force you to eat it.
Emily: You can’t. It’s my body.
Ed: Yeah right.
Emily: It is. And you’re RUINING it.
Ed: It’s not my body, I don’t care.
Emily: Exactly. Now leave me alone.
Ed: No. Go eat the swiss roll.
Emily: Leave me alone.
Ed: Ok. (leaves)
It looks like I beat him, but I ended up eating an entire box of swiss rolls a few minutes later. I give myself credit for stalling though, because I was a mess when this happened. A resident had pulled the fire alarm at my work, and I had messed up during the reaction, so my nerves and confidence were shot.
Before this happened I composed an e-mail to my group members about the incident, which also helped me fight the urge.
The conversations help me a lot. They let me get out all my negative feelings but I can attribute them to someone else so that I, Emily, can fight with positive ones. It makes resisting triggers easier, although for me I still end up engaging in the behaviors as of now. But it's a process, and I'm in the early stages of divorcing Ed. He hasn't gotten it though his thick skull yet that I don't want him around.
If you try having a conversation with Ed, feel free to share it!